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May 8, 2012 / Dan Whipple

Cheney for Congress?

I’m distressed to learn that Liz Cheney, daughter of former veep Dick, is considering running for Congress—either Senate or House—in Wyoming . Not because she isn’t a nice person. I’m sure she is, unlike her father, who is not a nice person. But my own experience as a parent tells me that children want to be as little like their parents as possible.

And it’s not because the Republic would miss the legislative contributions of any of Wyoming’s current delegation. I understand that Mike Enzi, John Barrasso and Cynthia Lummis are vying for parts in Dumb and Dumber and Dumbest (not necessarily in that order. As L. Cheney might have said her capacity as a Fox News talking head, “We report, you decide”).

But don’t these people ever leave us alone? How many generations of dynasties are we going to admire? The founders argued America shouldn’t have a king or a hereditary aristocracy. But we’ve had Bushes, Kennedys, Simpsons, Adamses, Johnson-Robbs, Clintons, Romneys, Fishes, Rockefellers and now, god help us, Cheneys. Have you noticed that we’ve achieved a higher level of political consciousness under their guidance? Neither have I. Well, maybe the Adamses.

Perhaps—gasp!—the founders were wrong. Maybe America should initiate a hereditary aristocracy. We could bestow a Knight Grand Cross of the Order of Teton, sub. Torturer in Mask on Dick Cheney. His daughter could be Lady Cheney when she came of age. Then she could do those satisfying things that dissipated aristocracy does the world over, trifling away the family fortune, making merry with the domestic staff, and petitioning the government to keep up their Medieval pile as a national historic site.


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